Last week I wrote about how excited I was for August 2017. It’s so far lived up to my expectations.
Last weekend, I went to my first ever music festival. I’ve always wanted to go to one, dress in all my conflicting patterns – well, more than usual – and bop to bands in the outdoors. I mean, I went to Forbidden Fruit in Dublin, but this was a festival in the countryside. I even slept in a tent.
The experience was somewhat underwhelming, maybe because I had anticipated so much of it, or maybe because every band I liked was on the first night. I’m glad I did it. It was a challenge. It was stressful because I’ve never done it before, because I don’t like being uncomfortable, because it was in a place I’d never visited.
We left one day early, but I enjoyed being so spontaneous. I’m never spontaneous. It’s a problem I have, and it causes me to be very anxious. When I travel, my anxiety gets worse because I dislike travelling. I don’t like public transport because I fear that I’ll miss the bus or train and be stranded. But, my anxiety is worsened when I travel due to the fact that I’m coeliac.
I have to combat all these things, and then worry about not being able to eat anything and being grumpy and hangry. This past weekend was spontaneous. We knew we were going, and then, randomly on Saturday, we went for a walk. We ended up walking into Tullamore town. I enjoyed it. It was big for me.
In June, I decided that August would be set aside. I wanted to focus on myself, on my writing, on getting my anxiety under control.
So far, I’ve gone to a music festival and camped. I’ve realised that my skillset is better and more in demand than it was. I’ve gained some extra confidence. I’ve started reading again. I’ve started thinking about blogging more. I’ve got so many ideas floating around in my head.
On Wednesday, I’m heading to Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival.
For the past 7 years, I’ve wanted to go to Edinburgh for the Fringe. This is a huge personal dream I’m realising. I’m not working on a show or anything. I’m going to see as many as I can in a city I love, with someone I love.
July was fairly crap for so many reasons, ones which I won’t disclose.
August 2016 was eye-opening and life-changing.
This August is going to be even better, which I didn’t think was possible. Yesterday was a big day for me. I came to a number of important realisations, ones that were a long time in the making. Yesterday I also found out that my best friend has decided to come and visit, and stay with me for almost a week.
I’m hoping that I’ll dedicate more time to writing. Not only blogs, but prose poetry. I’m hoping that my plans will become realities. I’m hoping to work on myself even more.
I’m still specky, and I’m still scribbling. I’ll still scribble about random things, about my anxiety, my depression, my bouts of low self-esteem. These are all a part of me, but they do not define me.
I’m clashing patterns and ballsy and out of context.